Today is May 23, 2017 and today my dad went to jail. He called me at 4 pm from a police station telling me he’d be going to jail for three months. I talked to him about his apartment, he told me about mom’s paperwork, I said I love you and we’d speak soon and we hung up. I cried. I’m still crying on the inside. He sounded so sad. I texted my family and boyfriend and dear friend to tell them. They all said it’s for the better. Which it is. But how is this my life?

My dad’s in jail and I had to go to a summer associate party tonight. I had to put on a happy face and act like what just happened didn’t happen. I even sent a happy birthday text (with confetti) to a coworker.

Life goes on. That’s what my coworker said last week after the Times Square tragedy. Life goes on. You never know when it’ll take you or how you’ll go so live in this moment.

Is this how we are supposed to live? In “this moment”? I’m locked in this life where I don’t know what I’m doing, who I’m surrounded by and have this sorority life smile to life.

He’s in jail for a DUI he still doesn’t understand he got (“for swerving or something”). He’ll be there for three months. He doesn’t even know how he kept his finances together but his sponsor does. I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. I don’t ever want to see someone I love be taken for granted and I feel like his sponsor is doing just that.

Who do you speak up to? What to you do? Do you pray? Do you talk to a counselor? Do you talk to your family? Do you talk to your friends? Someone is always going to judge you. Someone is always going to think less of you because of the situation you’re in. I’m ashamed to say my dad’s in jail. And today was the day that became real. I don’t know how to live life knowing that. Why is that reality? What is that the truth?

I’m going to hear from him when he’s given time away to call. And this is only the first round.  He has to go back for another state. This hurts. A lot.

Today will always be the day my dad went to jail and I went to a party. That’s my life. I hide. I hide away from my reality.

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